It is remarkable what a difference a year can make.
Normally this type of introspection might be reserved for New Years Eve instead of Christmas Eve and yet there seems to be a greater significance in Christmas Eve. A new-year, like many marking points in our lives, refers simply to time passing at regular intervals. Yet Christmas is not merely a marker of time but of a singular event, an anchor in time (Both in religious sense and in the fact that the immortalized events for this occasion only occurred once.)
Thus as time moves forward and each new year comes upon us we can use Jan 1st to measure time and December 25th to measure ourselves. Are we were we want to be?
One year ago I was in the middle of the darkest years of my life. It was my own personal hell, in every sense of the word.
People close to me knew about what was going on in my life and, while this helped immensely, I still found myself with problems and concerns that I alone had to face. It seemed daunting. And, after many attempts to overcome and failing, it seemed impossible.
I could not do it alone. I couldn't. Despite how badly I wanted light, I felt like I was drowning in darkness.
The answer came many months later. It took me facing my greatest fear. It had to! Without facing our greatest fear we cannot hope to receive our greatest joy. Fear is only fear when we are not facing it. It is so because we do not know it, or we simply are afraid that by looking at it we have to accept it as truth.
It is a profoundly difficult thing to look at what you know you must do and be willing to accept the consequences of it. To be willing to admit we are perhaps more wrong, than we previously thought, without losing sight of how amazing we truly are.
I had people helping me but I had to jump into my worst fears completely alone -
I did it. A miracle occurred. I was not alone at all! In that moment, in the very act of leaping with full intent of heart, I knew I was not alone. I was lifted. I was strengthened. I was carried to see that the darkness was not dark at all. It was not free of consequence, but it was free of fear! There was hope!
The Savior descended below all things completely alone so that when we need to face our greatest fears we will not be alone. Taking the leap is a decision we must make on our own. It is the giving up of our will. Being completely opened to whatever may come despite what we fear. Once we have done this act that no one can do for us, I promise you will feel the arm of the Lord around you instantly! This does not mean the journey is done, but it does mean you can do it without fear.
I know there are many people suffering in this world. There are many who are lost, alone, afraid, concerned, hurt; feeling cut-off, rejected, unworthy, hopeless. I do not pretend to say that I fully understand your situation, but know that I do understand, to some degree, how you feel. And I do know you are not alone in it.
I believe there is truth out there. I believe that a great deal of this truth is wonderful. I do not say that my life is perfect or without any problems. I am far from perfect. But I do know that I have found hope! I am more grateful for it than I can express.
We ourselves are a source of light, a single candle in this world. Adding that to the light of the many wonderful people in my life the total becomes amplified. Choosing to add this to the greatest light source of all it becomes everlasting! I feel this, and believe this, and much of it I know because I have experienced it! God bless you all, whether you believe in him or not.
Happy Christmas!
